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Dear sixteen-year-old me,
The first thing that I want to say is this: thank you. You taught me so much about life and I honestly am so, so grateful for that. You were a fighter and I am glad that you taught me how to fight. Because it is necessary to do so sometimes.
But that's not really why I'm writing this. Sure, I am beyond thankful for how much you've helped me grow, but I just...if I could give you some advice, this is what it would be:
Boys aren't worth losing your best friend over. Three years from now, you'll be sitting in your room, thinking about that boy and the best friend you lost because of him and wondering why the hell you didn't just say "screw you" to him and walk away. It's okay to do that, because he won't be the only guy (sure, he will be for a while, but someday you're going to meet someone worth way more than he ever was--just wait for him). Best friends are rare; much rarer than boys. It's so hard to find someone else who can replace six years of friendship. It doesn't happen. No one else will every know you the same way that she did; no one else will have stayed up with you until four in the morning talking about stupid bands and eating stupid food and laughing at stupid jokes; no one else is going to know about that time that you fell for that one boy who didn't even know your name; no one else is going to know about how much it hurt when you got bullied your freshman year. She was it. Don't give that up for a stupid boy.
Also, don't be afraid to just be loud sometimes. If someone (especially the stupid boy mentioned above) tells you to be quiet, just ignore him. It doesn't matter what he thinks. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Let yourself be loud and don't let anyone silence you. You were silent for far too much of your life to let people dictate your noise when you're finally less afraid. Don't stop being fearless. Laugh like no one else is there; get excited. The stupid boy isn't going to be in your life for more than a year anyways. Don't let him dictate who you're going to be.
It's okay to be sad for a little while. It's okay to be caught up in the heartbreak of that first boy who seemed interested and then walked away. But don't let it consume you for too long. Eat a big bowl of ice cream, listen to some sad songs (maybe write a love hate song or two), and then let it go. Delete him off of Facebook before he can delete you; don't go back again a few months later because nothing will have changed. You weren't his world, even if he was yours and that's o k a y.
Ride that roller coaster. Live your life fearlessly. And never, ever, ever be afraid to be who you are. Loud, quirky, quiet, sad, scared, brave, whatever. It doesn't matter. Whatever you want to be, be it. If it's for an hour--great. If it's for a day--fantastic. If it's who you are for the rest of your life--go for it. You've only got one life to live, and it's too short to be spent wasting your time trying to please people. Don't do that. Let go of the fear of other people and what they think. Three years from now you're going to realize that none of them matter. Keep your family close, but don't give a crap what anyone else says.
Dress the way you want to.
Listen to the music you want to (seriously. boy bands are fantastic, don't wait too long to figure that out).
Your mom means well, she really does. And she understands even though you think she doesn't. Trust her; find comfort in her. Let her help you heal.
Cry when you're upset and never let anyone tell you how you really feel or that it's just a phase or whatever other kind of crap they're trying to put on you. It's your brain and your heart and only you know how you really feel. So feel it. And then let it go. Feel it and then feel something else.
Be sure to not let it make you bitter that your sister doesn't understand. One day she's going to go through the same thing and will need you to be there for her, even if she wasn't there for you.
Love boldly.
Smile at strangers (because I know it's scary at first, but it gets easier).
Live passionately.
Don't be afraid to come up with your own ideas and opinions on the world. It's okay not to agree with everything everyone says.
And most importantly: don't forget that Jesus will always be there for you. Even when you get angry and say "hell," even when you don't feel like he's going to want you because you've messed up. It's okay. He does. He loves you always and forever and will forgive you. You're never too far away from him.
Most sincerely,
Shiloh.
[dear readers: okay. so i know this was written for myself when i was sixteen, but don't think that it can't apply to you as well. these are the things that i wish i had known when i was sixteen and going through that first heart break. it sucks and it hurts but there are things that are so much more important than a stupid boy. remember that. and remember that it will always always be okay to be be yourself. and remember that if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here for you. xx]
