My Biggest Fears

Something that I've always struggled with is fear.

I'm not exactly sure why I struggle with it, and I've tried to overcome it many, many times throughout my life. I've even grown to take the word 'fearless' as my life motto. Because I want to live a fearless life.

But today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about my biggest fears, and why I have them. They're personal and real, and it is something that I don't usually talk about.

I think it's good to talk about them, though. Because if you talk about it enough, maybe it'll become less scary. Maybe it'll become less of a threat. Here are my top 5 fears:

1. Tornadoes. This one is sort of silly and I'm not exactly sure when I became afraid of it. I remember when I was little sitting in our living room watching the news as a tornado was headed right towards our house and being petrified. Ever since then it's been bad. When there's a thunder stormy that's the first thing my mind goes to. It's even worse now, since the house we're living in doesn't have a basement. I just hate them and never want to have to experience one. Ugh.
2. Getting in a plane crash. Also irrational. I know. I've just always been afraid of this. Again, maybe it was from watching the 9/11 stuff happen on the news when I was 5. I'm not sure. I just know that whenever I get on a plane, I'm nervous.
3. Never falling in love. My dream in life has always been to fall in love, get married, have kids. So my absolute biggest fear is that it'll never happen. I know that I have to trust God with it, and I have been trying my best to, but it still terrifies me. 
4. Letting my parents down. The idea of letting anyone down is horrible to me, so letting my parents down would devastate me completely. They've done so much for me throughout my life that I can't even imagine doing something that would really hurt them. 
5. Never getting my dream job. The idea of never being able to be a stay at home mom and write books scares me. I don't want any other jobs than this. I don't know if I was cut out for anything else, so the prospect of not doing that scares me a lot. 

So, yeah. Some of those are probably pretty silly, but they really do freak me out a lot. I just hope that one day I can defeat the power that fear holds over me and laugh in its face. 

I really, really, really hate fear. 

xoxo, shi

ps. what are your biggest fears? let me know in the comments.