8 Things I Want My Future Husband To Know About Me

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The older I get the more my heart longs to be in love. It's something that I've wanted since I was a little girl, but now it's becoming more prominent within me than ever. There is a fire in my soul that longs to love and to be loved. It's a matter of waiting for the right man to come along at this point, the one that God has so carefully prepared just for me. Hopefully one day he'll see this post. Here are 8 things I want my future husband to know about me:

1. I'm a little bit disorganized. I'm trying to get better at it, I swear. Just please be patient if things are a little messy sometimes.
2. I've struggled with depression for many years and more than likely will continue to struggle with it for many more. You don't have to try to fix me; I'll be okay. When things get too hard, just hold me and tell me that you love me and that it's okay for me to feel the way I do. That's all I need.
3. I quite like puns. Seriously, if you want to make me laugh, just tell me puns. 
4. I want Jesus to be the center of our relationship. It's very important for me to have a Christ-centered relationship. If he's not in the middle of it all, it won't work. 
5. I like to sing at the top of my lungs a lot. You can sing with me in the car, in the kitchen, wherever really. 
6. I collect books. I'll likely want a library in our house. I'm sorry.
7. I'm really shy at first. I don't like meeting people for the first time; it freaks me out. So please, just have patience with me. I'll eventually talk your ear off.
8. I'm waiting for you. With every ounce of my heart, I'm waiting. In every way that you can think of, I'm waiting. I'm saving all of myself for you. I love you. I can't wait to meet you. Please get here soon. 

Blessings.

My Biggest Fears

Something that I've always struggled with is fear.

I'm not exactly sure why I struggle with it, and I've tried to overcome it many, many times throughout my life. I've even grown to take the word 'fearless' as my life motto. Because I want to live a fearless life.

But today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about my biggest fears, and why I have them. They're personal and real, and it is something that I don't usually talk about.

I think it's good to talk about them, though. Because if you talk about it enough, maybe it'll become less scary. Maybe it'll become less of a threat. Here are my top 5 fears:

1. Tornadoes. This one is sort of silly and I'm not exactly sure when I became afraid of it. I remember when I was little sitting in our living room watching the news as a tornado was headed right towards our house and being petrified. Ever since then it's been bad. When there's a thunder stormy that's the first thing my mind goes to. It's even worse now, since the house we're living in doesn't have a basement. I just hate them and never want to have to experience one. Ugh.
2. Getting in a plane crash. Also irrational. I know. I've just always been afraid of this. Again, maybe it was from watching the 9/11 stuff happen on the news when I was 5. I'm not sure. I just know that whenever I get on a plane, I'm nervous.
3. Never falling in love. My dream in life has always been to fall in love, get married, have kids. So my absolute biggest fear is that it'll never happen. I know that I have to trust God with it, and I have been trying my best to, but it still terrifies me. 
4. Letting my parents down. The idea of letting anyone down is horrible to me, so letting my parents down would devastate me completely. They've done so much for me throughout my life that I can't even imagine doing something that would really hurt them. 
5. Never getting my dream job. The idea of never being able to be a stay at home mom and write books scares me. I don't want any other jobs than this. I don't know if I was cut out for anything else, so the prospect of not doing that scares me a lot. 

So, yeah. Some of those are probably pretty silly, but they really do freak me out a lot. I just hope that one day I can defeat the power that fear holds over me and laugh in its face. 

I really, really, really hate fear. 

xoxo, shi

ps. what are your biggest fears? let me know in the comments.