8 Things I Want My Future Husband To Know About Me

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The older I get the more my heart longs to be in love. It's something that I've wanted since I was a little girl, but now it's becoming more prominent within me than ever. There is a fire in my soul that longs to love and to be loved. It's a matter of waiting for the right man to come along at this point, the one that God has so carefully prepared just for me. Hopefully one day he'll see this post. Here are 8 things I want my future husband to know about me:

1. I'm a little bit disorganized. I'm trying to get better at it, I swear. Just please be patient if things are a little messy sometimes.
2. I've struggled with depression for many years and more than likely will continue to struggle with it for many more. You don't have to try to fix me; I'll be okay. When things get too hard, just hold me and tell me that you love me and that it's okay for me to feel the way I do. That's all I need.
3. I quite like puns. Seriously, if you want to make me laugh, just tell me puns. 
4. I want Jesus to be the center of our relationship. It's very important for me to have a Christ-centered relationship. If he's not in the middle of it all, it won't work. 
5. I like to sing at the top of my lungs a lot. You can sing with me in the car, in the kitchen, wherever really. 
6. I collect books. I'll likely want a library in our house. I'm sorry.
7. I'm really shy at first. I don't like meeting people for the first time; it freaks me out. So please, just have patience with me. I'll eventually talk your ear off.
8. I'm waiting for you. With every ounce of my heart, I'm waiting. In every way that you can think of, I'm waiting. I'm saving all of myself for you. I love you. I can't wait to meet you. Please get here soon. 

Blessings.

Grace Upon Grace | What 2014 Taught Me

Yesterday, I wrote about all of the things I want to accomplish in this new year. So today, I thought I would write about what I learned in 2014 (in more detail, of course.) 

2014 was a year of trials and overcoming and learning to be free. It was a year of mistakes and regrets and crying myself to sleep some nights. It was a year when I learned that depression is real and mental illnesses need to be taken seriously and the world is so very broken. 

It was a year of realizing that I'm going to change as I age and that it's okay. 

2014 taught me that all I need is to love better. Love boldly and fearlessly and with the love of Jesus. I need to love everyone that God puts in my life, no matter what they're going through. 

2014 taught me that everyone is a little bit broken and a little bit in need of a friend.

2014 taught me that once high school ends, you realize that some of your friends were only your friends because you saw them five days a week. 

2014 taught me that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. That's okay.

2014 taught me to never judge someone by their appearance. Looks can be deceiving. 

2014 taught me that college is really freaking awesome. 

2014 taught me that stepping out of my comfort zone is good. (Talking in front of my 400+ student class at orientation was a bit terrifying, but it was something that I learned from.)

2014 taught me that it's okay not to be okay some days.

2014 taught me that dancing your heart out at concerts is more fun than you could ever imagine. Who cares if people stare?

2014 taught me that taking chances can be a wonderful, wonderful thing.

2014 taught me that I'm not perfect, and I can't please everyone all the time. That's okay, too.

2014 taught me that no matter what, God will still love me and forgive me and let me run back into his arms. It taught me that my God is an awesome, loving, graceful God. And I'm so thankful.

2014 taught me that I'm learning to be free.

Blessings,

Shi.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." -1 Peter 5:10

My Biggest Fears

Something that I've always struggled with is fear.

I'm not exactly sure why I struggle with it, and I've tried to overcome it many, many times throughout my life. I've even grown to take the word 'fearless' as my life motto. Because I want to live a fearless life.

But today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about my biggest fears, and why I have them. They're personal and real, and it is something that I don't usually talk about.

I think it's good to talk about them, though. Because if you talk about it enough, maybe it'll become less scary. Maybe it'll become less of a threat. Here are my top 5 fears:

1. Tornadoes. This one is sort of silly and I'm not exactly sure when I became afraid of it. I remember when I was little sitting in our living room watching the news as a tornado was headed right towards our house and being petrified. Ever since then it's been bad. When there's a thunder stormy that's the first thing my mind goes to. It's even worse now, since the house we're living in doesn't have a basement. I just hate them and never want to have to experience one. Ugh.
2. Getting in a plane crash. Also irrational. I know. I've just always been afraid of this. Again, maybe it was from watching the 9/11 stuff happen on the news when I was 5. I'm not sure. I just know that whenever I get on a plane, I'm nervous.
3. Never falling in love. My dream in life has always been to fall in love, get married, have kids. So my absolute biggest fear is that it'll never happen. I know that I have to trust God with it, and I have been trying my best to, but it still terrifies me. 
4. Letting my parents down. The idea of letting anyone down is horrible to me, so letting my parents down would devastate me completely. They've done so much for me throughout my life that I can't even imagine doing something that would really hurt them. 
5. Never getting my dream job. The idea of never being able to be a stay at home mom and write books scares me. I don't want any other jobs than this. I don't know if I was cut out for anything else, so the prospect of not doing that scares me a lot. 

So, yeah. Some of those are probably pretty silly, but they really do freak me out a lot. I just hope that one day I can defeat the power that fear holds over me and laugh in its face. 

I really, really, really hate fear. 

xoxo, shi

ps. what are your biggest fears? let me know in the comments.

Beautiful Flaws

Throughout my life I've always been a people pleaser.

I will literally do anything and everything I can to keep people happy, even if it doesn't directly impact me. I just want to see people happy. And I want everyone to like me. 

But that's not possible. 

I'm human.

I make mistakes.

I can't make everyone happy.

I'm not perfect.

There's this quote I found on tumblr or something and it says "to be human is to be beautifully flawed" and it just really inspires me. 

We don't have to be perfect. We're just people. Other people shouldn't dictate our thoughts or feeling or anything else about ourselves. 

If we are truly living for Christ, the only one we should be trying to please is him. And the best part about that is that he is a forgiving and merciful God. We can mess up. He knows we will mess up, but he loves us anyway. 

He loves our flawed hearts and he forgives us when we screw things up. 

He forgives us when we're not perfect. (Because, let's face it, we're never perfect and we're never going to be perfect).

Galatians 1:10 says: 

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please me, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

We need to stop trying to win over other people. They're just people...as imperfect and flawed as we are. They don't have power over us.

Try to truly live for Christ. Live to please him; live to serve him; live to win his approval. He knows your heart and your motives and your mistakes. He loves you anyways. 

I think that's pretty amazing. As much as I mess up and as much as I sin against him, he still loves me. He still wants me. He still forgives me. 

And that's amazing grace. 

 

 

It's Not Summer Without You | Booking It

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It's Not Summer Without You by Jenny Han

       

Can summer be truly summer without Cousins Beach?

It used to be that Belly counted the days until summer, until she was back at Cousins Beach with Conrad and Jeremiah. But not this year. Not after Susannah got sick again and Conrad stopped caring. Everything that was right and good has fallen apart, leaving Belly wishing summer would never come.

But when Jeremiah calls saying Conrad has disappeared, Belly knows what she must do to make things right again. And it can only happen back at the beach house, the three of them together, the way things used to be. If this summer really and truly is the last summer, it should end the way it started--at Cousins Beach.

   

I. Adored. This. Book.

I don't know what it is, or why, but I even think I liked this better than the first one. There was just something about it that I loved. Maybe it was because it dealt with something a bit more serious (not that the first one didn't but, I don't know, this one seemed to more.) I absolutely loved seeing how much Belly grew up since the first book and how much Conrad and Jeremiah changed as well. 

Also, I still can't decide whether I'm for Belly & Conrad or Belly & Jeremiah. They're both pretty fantastic and it's hard to choose.

                     

*****

five out of five. 

(one more star than the first in the trilogy).

I loved it so much. 

read on.

xoxo, shi

goodreads 

Next on my bookshelf:

We'll Always Have Summer by Jenny Han

To all the Boys I've Loved Before | Booking It

To all the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han

Lara Jean keeps her love letters in a hatbox her mother gave her. They aren't love letters that anyone else wrote for her, these are the ones she's written. One for every boy she's ever loved--five in all. When she writes she can pour out her heart and soul and say all the things she would never say in real life, because her letters are for her eyes only. Until the day her secret letters are mailed, and suddenly Lara Jeans's love life goes from imaginary to out of control. 

I'd heard so many good things about this book, so I just had to pick it up. Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. Lara Jean's character was so easy to relate to and understand. There was some spots that were humorous and some that were serious. Overall, it was a perfect combination of the too. Sweet and salty if you will. I loved all of it. It was also a quick read, which I wont complain about. I finished it in about two days (although, I could've done it in one if I didn't have to finish my summer reading first. Bleh). 

I highly recommend this book. 

                 

 *****

    five out of five. 

I absolutely cannot wait for the sequel to come out next year!

xoxo, Shi

p.s.

don't forget to add me on goodreads.

Next on my bookshelf:

The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han

If I Stay | Booking It

If I Stay by Gayle Forman

In a single moment, everything changes. Seventeen-year-old Mia has no memory of the accident; she can only recall riding along the snow-wet Oregon road with her family. Then, in a blink, she finds herself watching as her own damaged body is taken from the wreck...A sophisticated, layered, and heartachingly beautiful story about the power of family and friends, the choices we all make--and the ultimate choice Mia commands.

This book was something very different than what I'm usually into. As you all know, I usually go for the YA romance books. But I had heard so much about this one that I thought I had to pick it up; especially before the movie comes out! And I have to tell you that I don't regret it at all. This book was actually stunning. The idea of it and the way it was written; ugh it was just fabulous. Gayle Forman did a fantastic job conveying what she wanted to with this novel. I loved it. 

"I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard." 

"Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you." 

****

I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars. While it was a fantastic book, the ending didn't really leave me feeling satisfied. I'm hoping that the second book will bring that satisfied feeling that the ending of this one didn't quite leave me with. 

In other news I was wondering if you guys would be interested in me making videos about my book reviews. I've been watching a lot of booktube lately and have been strongly considering it. So let me know if you'd be interested in that. 

Thanks for reading.

xoxo, Shi

Here Comes The Sun | Spirit Song 2014

//Kings Island
June 26, 2014

concert panoramas are my absolute faves.

So, this past Thursday I got to experience Spirit Song for the first time ever. (I've been wanting to go for, like, five years now). And let me just say...it was fabulous. 

We got to the park at around 9:30 because we wanted to spend the day riding rides before the concert actually started. 

mirror selfies for the win, am i right? 

So, once we got there we decided to hit up planet snoopy first for the little kids to try out some rides. (Just so you're aware, the yellow roller coaster in planet snoopy in the front seat is the best...at least for giggles). And after that we did the carousel. Absolutely no shame.

Once we were done there we decided we wanted to go to the racer, because why not? (Again, the best seat is the front. Just trust me on this). 

It was so much fun to spend the day riding rides and spending time with my cousins and my sister. They're beautiful and funny and amazing. I'm thankful that God blessed me with them. 

this is zoe; she rode her first roller coaster. i was proud.

my darling sister. i'm thankful for this one. 

Then we ate lunch and ya know. Boring stuff. 

But after that I took Allie to ride the beast for the first time. 

BEFORE. she was nervous.

AFTER. it was fun even though it beat us up. (ignore my excited roller coaster face--yikes).

Once that was done we went and met up for the concert. It was my first outdoor / festival type concert and it was so awesome (despite the heat). We partied extra hard. Tenth Avenue North was my favorite of the night, although the rest of the bands were fabulous as well. 

When it started to get dark, Allie and I decided we wanted to go ride a couple more rides and on the way back we danced around the park like lunatics. 

awful pictures but they really just capture who we are and i honestly couldn't love them any more. 

Ended the night with a crazy glow stick / beach ball dance party with Chris Tomlin. 

It was fabulous. 

I honestly don't know what I would do without getting opportunities like these in my life. I'm so thankful for the smallest adventures that I get to go on and the memories that I have been making. They've been pretty freaking amazing so far. 

I am blessed. 

xx Shiloh 

What I Learned From Frozen

I'm sure many of you have seen the new Disney movie Frozen. It has been raved about since it hit theaters back in November, and for good reason. This Disney movie has to be one of the best movies that I have seen in a while. It's easy to look at movies like this as just fun kid movies with no real meaning behind them, but Frozen's message really stuck out to me.

The biggest theme that I saw throughout the movie was fear. Elsa was terrified. She didn't understand how to use her powers, and there was nobody to really help her learn. That's why she was so angry; everything that she did that was "harmful" was because she was scared. But as soon as Anna sacrificed herself to save Elsa, it made sense. Love thaws a frozen heart. Love is how to control the powers. Love casts out fear.

It's easy to skip over this detail, but to me it sticks out clearly throughout the whole movie. And I have to amend Disney for putting such a great and powerful message into the movie. I loved it and I will love it forever.

xx, Shiloh

I Found My Purpose In Jesus

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We all have had those times in life when we've felt absolutely worthless.
Scared, broken, alone, and tired.

I know that I have. Plenty of times. 

But I have found my purpose. In Jesus.

I lost my way earlier this year. It started around December, probably.
It was when I first realized how broken I truly was. There were scars from my past that kept coming back to haunt me and nothing that I was doing at the time felt good enough. Not for anyone; my parents, my friends, my teachers, not even God. It felt like I was slipping into this dark hole and that there was nobody who would be able to bring me out of it, because it just felt so hopeless.

I guess you could say that I stopped participating in life. I would go to school and hardly talk to anyone and come home and hardly talk to anyone. I was sad and breaking and I felt like no one saw that. I felt like no one could see the way my heart was shattering, or the way that I struggled to breathe sometimes. And that only made it hurt worse. It hurt that no one seemed to care enough to see through the walls that I'd built up. It hurt that no one just came up to me and said "hey, Shiloh. I know you're not okay. What's going on?" I just wanted someone to understand, to see how hard I was trying to make it through. But nobody was doing that.

I didn't start to feel better until this month, not really anyway. I'm good at pretending now, to be honest. But then Jesus got my heart again. He got my attention. I was at Winter Jam in Lexington, and Tenth Avenue North was doing their set; singing their song "The Struggle" and these were the words I was hearing:

there's a wreckage, there's a fire
there's a weakness in my love
there's a hunger i can't control
Lord, i falter and i fall down
and i hold on to the chains you broke 
when you came and saved my soul
...
hallelujah we are free to struggle
we're not struggling to be free
your blood bought and it makes us children
children drop your chains and sing
...
hallelujah death is overcome
and we are breathing
hallelujah our stone hearts become
flesh that's beating
hallelujah chains have been undone
and we are singing
hallelujah the fire has begun

And it was during that song that I just felt Jesus telling me that he's been there. He was there the entire time, even though I didn't realize it. He was there when I was in my room crying until three a.m. He was there when people made off-handed comments that stung more than they should have. He was there when I didn't want to wake up, and when I even thought about giving into the temptation to hurt myself. He was there through all of it; the good days and the bad ones and He continues to just be there.

He was the person I was looking for; the one who said: "Shiloh, I know your not okay. I know that you're hurting. I'm here for you and I love you." And I can't tell you how much that alone healed my heart. He's taking the broken pieces of my life and constructing them back together in a way that has started to change me. And I'm not so afraid anymore. His perfect love is casting out my fear. The fear that I had constantly had for the past few months.

I have a purpose. I'm not too far broken. I can be fixed and I am being fixed.
Because of Jesus.
I found myself there,
in the arms of a savior who wants nothing more than to love me.
In the arms of a savior who gave up his life for me.
To save me from myself.
I found my purpose in Jesus.
And I'm getting better and better every day.

xx, Shiloh.

AFOMFT: Youtubers!

As many of you may know, I am pretty much in love with YouTube. I watch videos, I comment on videos, I even make videos (not as often as I would like, but hopefully more soon!). So I wanted to make you all a list of my favorite Youtubers.

Here we go:

• The Shaytards! - I love love love them. They are my absolute, number one favorite youtuber. They make me laugh and always manage to brighten up my day. And even though they are done with their daily vlogs, I look forward to their 5 videos a week.
• It's Judy's Life - Another youtube vlogging family. (I really love those). Literally their little girls are adorbs and Benji and Judy always seem to get me to laugh. They're great. 
• The Vlog Brothers - Obviously. Is my fangirl showing? Hank and John Green (yes, the author of The Fault in our Stars). Their videos are hilarious. Literally, the funniest. Check them out. 
• Makeup By Kim - basically the only beauty guru I watch anymore. She's so real and down to earth and yeah. She's the coolest. If you like beauty videos she's for you. 
• Connor Franta - he's hilarious. and good looking. yeah.

These are the one's that I still watch pretty much every time they post a video. They are all very fabulous, and I adore them. That's all for now, but be sure to check back for updates on new youtubers that I find and adore. 

xx, Shiloh

Weekly Eye Candy

via

Today I thought I would share with you some of my favorite pinterest finds for this week.

I don't know about you guys, but I spend a lot of time on pinterest (follow me, yeah?) and I find images that I just absolutely fall in love with. I have a board on their that's called "l i v e" and I basically just post images that I see and fall in love with in an instant. Not all of these posts are from that board, but quite a few of them actually are.

I'm sort of all over the place on things I repost. Like, I'm going from Bastille to Frozen and it's just...me. I don't really know how to explain that. I have so much of a love for traveling and adventures and exploring that I couldn't help but throw in a couple of things of that nature. (my one goal for college is to adventure more than ever). I also have books, go figure. And Julie Andrews (queen). And tattoos. I just love it all. Quite a lot really.

xx, Shiloh.

Design Changes

Hey guys!

So as you could probably tell, I did a few things to change the design of the blog. I like it quite a lot actually, what do you think?

xx,
Shi

Booking It: Fangirl

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

{source}

Description

Cath is a Simon Snow fan.

Okay, the whole world is a Simon Snow fan...But for Cath, being a fan is her life--and she's really good at it. She and her twin sister, Wren, ensconced themselves in the Simon Snow series when they were just kids; It's what got them through their mother leaving. 

Reading. Rereading. Hanging out in Simon Snow forums, writing Simon Snow fanfiction, dressing up like the characters for every movie premiere.

Cath's sister has mostly grown away from the fandom, but Cath can't let it go. She doesn't want to.

Now that they're going to college, Wren has told Cath she doesn't want to be roommates. Cath is on her own, completely outside of her comfort zone. She's got a surly roommate with a charming, always-around boyfriend; a fiction-writing professor who thinks fanfiction is the end of the civilized world; a handsome classmate who only wants to talk about words...and she can't stop worrying about her dad, who's loving and fragile and has never really been alone. 

For Cath, the question is: Can she make it without Wren holding her hand? Is she ready to start living her own life? And does she even want to move on if it means leaving Simon Snow behind?

My Thoughts:

This. Book. I have no words. I just loved it so freaking much that I just...

I want to read it and reread it and reread it again. Like, seriously, I loved it. It's not too often that I find a book like this one, that I just love so much that I want to cry just because I finished it. I don't even know what I should do with myself now that it's over. (I have three other books picked out to read, but all I want to do is swoon over this one some more). Seriously. Just read it. 

It's absolutely flawless.

Cath was a really relatable character. She was quirky and funny and really shy. And the changes that we see in her throughout the book were phenomenal. And Levi...oh my gosh, Levi. Just. I want one. Okay, bye. 

My Rating:

{Can I give it like 100/5 stars? Is that I thing?--probably not).

Okay. Definitely, without a doubt, 5/5 stars. It's amazing. 

Read it. 

Okay, so you all know that I loved Eleanor & Park as well, and even though it's hard...Rainbow Rowell has just become one of my favorite authors of all time. She's tied with John Green. And that's saying something. Okay.

Read on.

Move

Just thought that I'd share a poem that I wrote recently.

I try to find my way through the labyrinth of thoughts.

It's hard for me to keep trying sometimes.

I want to be alive.

To live.

To love.

To breathe.

But sometimes the air just won't fill my lungs properly and I want to hide.

I want to collapse in on myself and find a way to just survive.

And sometimes love isn't in my heart and I just want to understand.

I want to see people for who they are; for their mindless doings.

And sometimes I just don't want to live in this broken world with my broken soul.

I want to move.

Move

Move

Move

But then I remember what was done for me on the cross,

And the blood that was shed to save me from myself.

My broken, hopeless, sinful self.

My tired, lonely, worthless self.

And it reminds me that even though I'm broken, God makes me whole.

Even though I'm hopeless, God gives me hope.

Even though I'm sinful, God's grace abounds.

Even though I'm tired, God gives me rest.

Even though I'm lonely, God is my friend.

And even when I feel worthless, God is there to remind me that I'm worth everything to him.

Because of what was done for me on that cross.

Because of love.

Winter Jam 2014

{a little panoramic for your soul}

So, since I've last blogged, Winter Jam happened...twice.

{For all of you who have never heard of Winter Jam before, I'll just give you a quick rundown of what it is. It's basically this HUGE Christian concert that tours every year with about 10 bands (different bands every year--except Newsong is always there, since they founded it). It is 10 dollars at the door, and just a really amazing time. If you missed it this year, be sure to be on the lookout for next year!}

I think it's way past time for me to fill you in on how it was this year, and just share my overall experience with you all. 

I guess I'll start with Cincinnati. It was on Friday, February 21 and the U.S Bank Arena and it was fabulous. We left straight after school to head up to get in line. The whole line experience this year was actually wonderful. There aren't any other words, really. We didn't have to wait very long, since we didn't get there until around 3, but we were still pretty close to the door. The radio stations had random contests going on outside and Love In the Outcome (one of the preshow bands) was out signing CD's and talking to everyone.

{hula hoop contest courtesy of K-love. she won a little radio shaped stress ball.}

{our little group minus my mom. these girls are my favorites.}

Once we were inside we were pleasantly surprised that we actually got really incredible seats. They were off to the side of the stage but really close, and it was amazing, especially since we didn't get there as early as last year, but the seats were better!

{ignore the random guys' faces. sorry bout that.}

The show in itself was a great time. Lecrae, Colton Dixon, Tenth Avenue North, Newsboys, Plumb, etc. It was amazing. I was jamming so hard the entire night. I'll never get over how incredible it feels to just worship with 17,000 other people. It's cool to feel the Lord move in that kind of environment. (It's cool to feel Him move in any environment, really.)

Lexington, which was on March 15, was pretty much the same thing; we didn't as good of seats, but that was okay. We were still able to jam and worship and just have a great time. God really moved in my heart that night. I had been struggling lately, and it was so cool to just feel him moving in my heart and rearranging it. It was like all of the temporary things that I had been thinking were so permanent were just gone. It felt (and still) feels so good. 

{casually sitting on the floor of the venue taking selfies.}

Overall, it was just another great night.

((side note: if you're interested in Winter Jam their twitter is @winterjamtour, their website is http://jamtour.com))

Tumblr Tuesday!

So as you can see, I reblogged A LOT of TFiOS stuff this week because the trailer (eeeeep!) came out. I may have fangirled just a bit. It's normal. 

There was some Harry Styles because of his birthday, and some quotes that I just really liked. Nothing too special for this week. 

What have you been reblogging this week?

To Everyone in High School and/or College:

I want to tell you all that you are beautiful and loved and that you will make it through the rest of this year. No matter how hopeless that feels, you will.

I wanted to remind everyone that high school may not be the best four years of your life like they say it will, but that those four years can be a beautiful time of learning and growing. You can share the Lord and you can build some amazing friendships, and even though you might eventually lose those friendships, it's still an amazing thing. You may have to learn about some things that you think you'll never use again, but in the process of that you'll learn more about life than you can ever imagine. High school, no matter how drama filled and pointless it may seem, is a beautiful adventure.

Being back at a public school for the first time since I was a freshman has been a crazy and incredible thing for me so far this year. I have learned so much more about life and have started to discover who I really am. I've seen Jesus in the halls of my school, in the people who I have walked by. He has been in the face of all of the nervous freshmen; in the classrooms with my teachers; he's been shining out of everything in that school and I'm so beyond grateful for that. It's given me hope.

I have hope that God knows what he's doing, and that He knows where I'm going. He's got me in his hands, just like He has you in his hands. He loves you and wants what's best for you. So chose to make this the best semester you possibly can. Choose to be brave and take chances and make some memories. Don't wait on the future, because the future is now.