All I Ever Needed Was Your Love

So, I just watched Grace Unplugged on Netflix and it tore me apart.

I've been wanting to see this movie since it came out, but never got the opportunity. So when I saw it on Netflix this morning (it's fall break--holla!) I knew I had to watch it. And I'm so glad that I did. I cried more times than I'd like to admit, and I don't think I can just mark it down to PMS. So.

The song that I posted above was the part where I really lost it. Just. Just. I don't know how to explain how it made me feel. Hopeful, maybe.

I know that I have been focusing a lot on things that don't really matter at all lately. I need to turn my focus back to God. He's all I need and sometimes I forget that. It's easy to forget that when you're surrounded by the world and people who want to fit into the world so bad, and I guess I sort of fell victim to that.

This movie was sort of a wake up call, I guess. All I need is Jesus. His love that never fails and never gives up, even when I screw up all the time. I'm thankful for that.

Lord, I'm sorry that I've been chasing after things the world has to offer; I know that I don't need that. I need you and your love and that is enough. Please forgive me for all of that. I'm sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. Thank you for wake up calls, and hope and forgiveness. You're all I need. Because Your love is better than life. Thank you for giving second, and third, and fourth, and infinite chances. I love you. Amen.

My Biggest Fears

Something that I've always struggled with is fear.

I'm not exactly sure why I struggle with it, and I've tried to overcome it many, many times throughout my life. I've even grown to take the word 'fearless' as my life motto. Because I want to live a fearless life.

But today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about my biggest fears, and why I have them. They're personal and real, and it is something that I don't usually talk about.

I think it's good to talk about them, though. Because if you talk about it enough, maybe it'll become less scary. Maybe it'll become less of a threat. Here are my top 5 fears:

1. Tornadoes. This one is sort of silly and I'm not exactly sure when I became afraid of it. I remember when I was little sitting in our living room watching the news as a tornado was headed right towards our house and being petrified. Ever since then it's been bad. When there's a thunder stormy that's the first thing my mind goes to. It's even worse now, since the house we're living in doesn't have a basement. I just hate them and never want to have to experience one. Ugh.
2. Getting in a plane crash. Also irrational. I know. I've just always been afraid of this. Again, maybe it was from watching the 9/11 stuff happen on the news when I was 5. I'm not sure. I just know that whenever I get on a plane, I'm nervous.
3. Never falling in love. My dream in life has always been to fall in love, get married, have kids. So my absolute biggest fear is that it'll never happen. I know that I have to trust God with it, and I have been trying my best to, but it still terrifies me. 
4. Letting my parents down. The idea of letting anyone down is horrible to me, so letting my parents down would devastate me completely. They've done so much for me throughout my life that I can't even imagine doing something that would really hurt them. 
5. Never getting my dream job. The idea of never being able to be a stay at home mom and write books scares me. I don't want any other jobs than this. I don't know if I was cut out for anything else, so the prospect of not doing that scares me a lot. 

So, yeah. Some of those are probably pretty silly, but they really do freak me out a lot. I just hope that one day I can defeat the power that fear holds over me and laugh in its face. 

I really, really, really hate fear. 

xoxo, shi

ps. what are your biggest fears? let me know in the comments.

10 songs that i'll listen to for the rest of my life

I know, I know. ((I'm so sorry.))

School is mad. Work is mad. I'm exhausted and that's not a good excuse. 

THE GOOD NEWS is that I have blog posts planned out for the next three months, so I *hopefully* won't be getting this behind again. Yay! 

Today, I decided to post about my top 10 favorite songs of all time (that I will probably be listening to for the rest of my life). I love music almost as much as I love writing, so picking 10 songs was pretty hard, but I finally got it down to 10. Here they are:

10. all too well - taylor swift

   - I just really love this song. It's beautiful and heartbreaking and it basically will always remind me of a certain time in my life. I will listen to it to remember.

9. beside you - marinas trench

   - I don't know what it is about this song really, it's just gorgeous. I love it a lot. It's the kind of love I want with whoever I end up marrying.

8. dare to believe - colton dixon

   - This is my favorite song of Colton's. Hands down.

7. through the dark - one direction

   - Again, I just really want someone to love me as much as this song depicts. I love it. 

6. something beautiful - need to breathe

   - I just will always equate this song to my childhood and the time that I truly fell in love with Jesus. So, yeah.

5. don't let me go - harry styles

   - If you've heard this song, I'm sure you know what I  mean.

4. your love never fails - jesus culture

   - This is my favorite worship song. Ever.

3. something great - one direction

   - This is my favorite song that One Direction's ever released (so far). So what if I just want something great?

2. all of me - matt hammit

   - I want this song played at my wedding.

1. where i belong - building 429

   - I want this song played at my funeral. 

Alrighty, so there you have it. 10 songs that I'll be listening to for the rest of forever. What are your top ten songs? Let me know in the comments.

xoxo, shi

50 Random Questions Tag

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?- writing a paper. (#collegelife)
2. Who are you in love with?- no one at the moment haha
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?- maybe...probably...i don't know
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?- i'm wearing a pink hoodie
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?- last week!
6. Are you wearing socks right now?- nope
7. Does your family have a car worth over $2,000?- i don't think so?
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?- Today, my school is about 30 minutes out of town.
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?- Nope
10. Are you hot?- hahhaha i don't know really
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?- coke
12. What are you wearing right now?- shorts and a hoodie
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?- I don't have a car
14. Last food that you ate?- chicken pot pie
15. Where were you last week at this time?- At work
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?- Nope!
17. When is the last time you ran?- Uh....i don't run
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?- Uh....i don't watch sports
19. What is your favorite animal?- probs a whale
20. Your dream vacation?- i want to go to England soooo bad.
21. Last person's house you were in?- My cousins
22. Worst injury you've ever had? I had to get stitches once
23. Have you been in love?- not really, no
24. Do you miss anyone right now?- Yep
25. Last play you saw?- the musical last year!
26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?- don't really have one haha
27. What are your plans for tonight?- Sleeeep :)
28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?- i don't even remember though. who uses myspace anymore
29. Next trip you are going to take?- possibly Colorado
30. Ever go to camp?- no :(
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?- yes sir (ma'am...)
32. What do you want to know about the future?- If I'll be happy
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?- some bath and body works think that I can't remember the name of 
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?- i honestly have no idea
35. Where is your best friend?- probably at home
36. How is your best friend?- good good
37. Do you have a tan?- nope
38. What are you listening to right now?- the tv from the other room
39. Do you collect anything?- boooooks
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?- honestly, i have no clue
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?- neverrr
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?- yes?
43. What does your last text message say?- literally it's a text from my sister telling me to tell my dad to pick her up from school
44. Do you like hot sauce?- depends
45. Last time you took a shower?- this morning
46. Do you need to do laundry?- Nope
47. What is your heritage?- Mostly german, a little irish
48. Are you someone's best friend?- yeah
49. Are you rich?- nope
50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?- Uhhh sleeping...hahaha

so...there's that.