I Found My Purpose In Jesus

{via}

We all have had those times in life when we've felt absolutely worthless.
Scared, broken, alone, and tired.

I know that I have. Plenty of times. 

But I have found my purpose. In Jesus.

I lost my way earlier this year. It started around December, probably.
It was when I first realized how broken I truly was. There were scars from my past that kept coming back to haunt me and nothing that I was doing at the time felt good enough. Not for anyone; my parents, my friends, my teachers, not even God. It felt like I was slipping into this dark hole and that there was nobody who would be able to bring me out of it, because it just felt so hopeless.

I guess you could say that I stopped participating in life. I would go to school and hardly talk to anyone and come home and hardly talk to anyone. I was sad and breaking and I felt like no one saw that. I felt like no one could see the way my heart was shattering, or the way that I struggled to breathe sometimes. And that only made it hurt worse. It hurt that no one seemed to care enough to see through the walls that I'd built up. It hurt that no one just came up to me and said "hey, Shiloh. I know you're not okay. What's going on?" I just wanted someone to understand, to see how hard I was trying to make it through. But nobody was doing that.

I didn't start to feel better until this month, not really anyway. I'm good at pretending now, to be honest. But then Jesus got my heart again. He got my attention. I was at Winter Jam in Lexington, and Tenth Avenue North was doing their set; singing their song "The Struggle" and these were the words I was hearing:

there's a wreckage, there's a fire
there's a weakness in my love
there's a hunger i can't control
Lord, i falter and i fall down
and i hold on to the chains you broke 
when you came and saved my soul
...
hallelujah we are free to struggle
we're not struggling to be free
your blood bought and it makes us children
children drop your chains and sing
...
hallelujah death is overcome
and we are breathing
hallelujah our stone hearts become
flesh that's beating
hallelujah chains have been undone
and we are singing
hallelujah the fire has begun

And it was during that song that I just felt Jesus telling me that he's been there. He was there the entire time, even though I didn't realize it. He was there when I was in my room crying until three a.m. He was there when people made off-handed comments that stung more than they should have. He was there when I didn't want to wake up, and when I even thought about giving into the temptation to hurt myself. He was there through all of it; the good days and the bad ones and He continues to just be there.

He was the person I was looking for; the one who said: "Shiloh, I know your not okay. I know that you're hurting. I'm here for you and I love you." And I can't tell you how much that alone healed my heart. He's taking the broken pieces of my life and constructing them back together in a way that has started to change me. And I'm not so afraid anymore. His perfect love is casting out my fear. The fear that I had constantly had for the past few months.

I have a purpose. I'm not too far broken. I can be fixed and I am being fixed.
Because of Jesus.
I found myself there,
in the arms of a savior who wants nothing more than to love me.
In the arms of a savior who gave up his life for me.
To save me from myself.
I found my purpose in Jesus.
And I'm getting better and better every day.

xx, Shiloh.

AFOMFT: Youtubers!

As many of you may know, I am pretty much in love with YouTube. I watch videos, I comment on videos, I even make videos (not as often as I would like, but hopefully more soon!). So I wanted to make you all a list of my favorite Youtubers.

Here we go:

• The Shaytards! - I love love love them. They are my absolute, number one favorite youtuber. They make me laugh and always manage to brighten up my day. And even though they are done with their daily vlogs, I look forward to their 5 videos a week.
• It's Judy's Life - Another youtube vlogging family. (I really love those). Literally their little girls are adorbs and Benji and Judy always seem to get me to laugh. They're great. 
• The Vlog Brothers - Obviously. Is my fangirl showing? Hank and John Green (yes, the author of The Fault in our Stars). Their videos are hilarious. Literally, the funniest. Check them out. 
• Makeup By Kim - basically the only beauty guru I watch anymore. She's so real and down to earth and yeah. She's the coolest. If you like beauty videos she's for you. 
• Connor Franta - he's hilarious. and good looking. yeah.

These are the one's that I still watch pretty much every time they post a video. They are all very fabulous, and I adore them. That's all for now, but be sure to check back for updates on new youtubers that I find and adore. 

xx, Shiloh

Weekly Eye Candy

via

Today I thought I would share with you some of my favorite pinterest finds for this week.

I don't know about you guys, but I spend a lot of time on pinterest (follow me, yeah?) and I find images that I just absolutely fall in love with. I have a board on their that's called "l i v e" and I basically just post images that I see and fall in love with in an instant. Not all of these posts are from that board, but quite a few of them actually are.

I'm sort of all over the place on things I repost. Like, I'm going from Bastille to Frozen and it's just...me. I don't really know how to explain that. I have so much of a love for traveling and adventures and exploring that I couldn't help but throw in a couple of things of that nature. (my one goal for college is to adventure more than ever). I also have books, go figure. And Julie Andrews (queen). And tattoos. I just love it all. Quite a lot really.

xx, Shiloh.

Booking It: It's Kind of a Funny Story

It's Kind Of A Funny Story...

Design Changes

Hey guys!

So as you could probably tell, I did a few things to change the design of the blog. I like it quite a lot actually, what do you think?

xx,
Shi

Booking It: Fangirl

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

{source}

Description

Cath is a Simon Snow fan.

Okay, the whole world is a Simon Snow fan...But for Cath, being a fan is her life--and she's really good at it. She and her twin sister, Wren, ensconced themselves in the Simon Snow series when they were just kids; It's what got them through their mother leaving. 

Reading. Rereading. Hanging out in Simon Snow forums, writing Simon Snow fanfiction, dressing up like the characters for every movie premiere.

Cath's sister has mostly grown away from the fandom, but Cath can't let it go. She doesn't want to.

Now that they're going to college, Wren has told Cath she doesn't want to be roommates. Cath is on her own, completely outside of her comfort zone. She's got a surly roommate with a charming, always-around boyfriend; a fiction-writing professor who thinks fanfiction is the end of the civilized world; a handsome classmate who only wants to talk about words...and she can't stop worrying about her dad, who's loving and fragile and has never really been alone. 

For Cath, the question is: Can she make it without Wren holding her hand? Is she ready to start living her own life? And does she even want to move on if it means leaving Simon Snow behind?

My Thoughts:

This. Book. I have no words. I just loved it so freaking much that I just...

I want to read it and reread it and reread it again. Like, seriously, I loved it. It's not too often that I find a book like this one, that I just love so much that I want to cry just because I finished it. I don't even know what I should do with myself now that it's over. (I have three other books picked out to read, but all I want to do is swoon over this one some more). Seriously. Just read it. 

It's absolutely flawless.

Cath was a really relatable character. She was quirky and funny and really shy. And the changes that we see in her throughout the book were phenomenal. And Levi...oh my gosh, Levi. Just. I want one. Okay, bye. 

My Rating:

{Can I give it like 100/5 stars? Is that I thing?--probably not).

Okay. Definitely, without a doubt, 5/5 stars. It's amazing. 

Read it. 

Okay, so you all know that I loved Eleanor & Park as well, and even though it's hard...Rainbow Rowell has just become one of my favorite authors of all time. She's tied with John Green. And that's saying something. Okay.

Read on.

Move

Just thought that I'd share a poem that I wrote recently.

I try to find my way through the labyrinth of thoughts.

It's hard for me to keep trying sometimes.

I want to be alive.

To live.

To love.

To breathe.

But sometimes the air just won't fill my lungs properly and I want to hide.

I want to collapse in on myself and find a way to just survive.

And sometimes love isn't in my heart and I just want to understand.

I want to see people for who they are; for their mindless doings.

And sometimes I just don't want to live in this broken world with my broken soul.

I want to move.

Move

Move

Move

But then I remember what was done for me on the cross,

And the blood that was shed to save me from myself.

My broken, hopeless, sinful self.

My tired, lonely, worthless self.

And it reminds me that even though I'm broken, God makes me whole.

Even though I'm hopeless, God gives me hope.

Even though I'm sinful, God's grace abounds.

Even though I'm tired, God gives me rest.

Even though I'm lonely, God is my friend.

And even when I feel worthless, God is there to remind me that I'm worth everything to him.

Because of what was done for me on that cross.

Because of love.

Booking It: An Abundance of Katherines

So, sorry, but be prepared for like, a lot of book reviews in the next few days. (I've gone too long without updating.)

Description:

19 Katherines and counting...

When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton's type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has ten thousand dollars in his pocket, a bloodthirsy feral hog on his trail, and an over-weight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun-but no Katherines. Colin is on a mission to prove The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability, which he hopes will predict the future of any relationship and avenge Dumpees everywhere, and may finally win him the girl. 

My Thoughts:

To be completely honest, this wasn't my favorite book by John Green ever. I was sort of bored through about half of it. I got pretty sick of the word "fugger" and anagrams. And, quite frankly, Colin and his whining about Kathrine XIX. There were a few parts that were sort of funny, but overall, it didn't get anywhere near exciting until the end (and even that was great). I wouldn't recommend this as a first John Green book to anyone. Stick with, well, any of his other books.

My Rating:

I'd give An Abundance of Katherines 3/5 stars. I would probably not read it again, but I don't really regret reading it. It was alright. 

Leave me reading suggestions in the comments!

Winter Jam 2014

{a little panoramic for your soul}

So, since I've last blogged, Winter Jam happened...twice.

{For all of you who have never heard of Winter Jam before, I'll just give you a quick rundown of what it is. It's basically this HUGE Christian concert that tours every year with about 10 bands (different bands every year--except Newsong is always there, since they founded it). It is 10 dollars at the door, and just a really amazing time. If you missed it this year, be sure to be on the lookout for next year!}

I think it's way past time for me to fill you in on how it was this year, and just share my overall experience with you all. 

I guess I'll start with Cincinnati. It was on Friday, February 21 and the U.S Bank Arena and it was fabulous. We left straight after school to head up to get in line. The whole line experience this year was actually wonderful. There aren't any other words, really. We didn't have to wait very long, since we didn't get there until around 3, but we were still pretty close to the door. The radio stations had random contests going on outside and Love In the Outcome (one of the preshow bands) was out signing CD's and talking to everyone.

{hula hoop contest courtesy of K-love. she won a little radio shaped stress ball.}

{our little group minus my mom. these girls are my favorites.}

Once we were inside we were pleasantly surprised that we actually got really incredible seats. They were off to the side of the stage but really close, and it was amazing, especially since we didn't get there as early as last year, but the seats were better!

{ignore the random guys' faces. sorry bout that.}

The show in itself was a great time. Lecrae, Colton Dixon, Tenth Avenue North, Newsboys, Plumb, etc. It was amazing. I was jamming so hard the entire night. I'll never get over how incredible it feels to just worship with 17,000 other people. It's cool to feel the Lord move in that kind of environment. (It's cool to feel Him move in any environment, really.)

Lexington, which was on March 15, was pretty much the same thing; we didn't as good of seats, but that was okay. We were still able to jam and worship and just have a great time. God really moved in my heart that night. I had been struggling lately, and it was so cool to just feel him moving in my heart and rearranging it. It was like all of the temporary things that I had been thinking were so permanent were just gone. It felt (and still) feels so good. 

{casually sitting on the floor of the venue taking selfies.}

Overall, it was just another great night.

((side note: if you're interested in Winter Jam their twitter is @winterjamtour, their website is http://jamtour.com))